wow and three months later the time just flies.

Hmmm i just got back from NB. I presented a paper at the grad conference. It went extremely well and I have recieved an invite for next year, but i plan on being done by then so no dice.

Umm yeah just floated opn here to see wht happens

Ok, so ages since i last posted. I confess Livejournal....facebook took my soul! I'm sorry! But the wall to wall feature is just to amazing! Ok, that being said, I'm now on facebook too. Yay!....and I tend to update it like 4 times a day at work.

Oh yeah. I didn't get the Passport Dream job. Sadly no. I did however take a job at the Avenue Community Center so if your ever downtown and want to drop by, feel free.

Hmmm. so much has happened since i last posted. Pride week was interesting. Didn't take in too many of the activities but what I did was pretty amazing. The Parde in Saskatoon was pretty darn impressive.....i think it stretched like 3 blocks long....which was amazing. Lotws of support and the community fair was well represented as well.

Hmm....got to see DJ Champion at the Jazz FEstival on Sunday. All I can say is OMFG (that was AMAZING!) Thanks so much JJ for wanting to go. ;)

That's about it really. Life continues. It's almost july, which means my cousin is getting married in two weeks, and I'm not going. Sadly I don't have the $1206 to get to Newfoundland. :( Oh well.

CRG

WARNING: This post contains a deep and philosophical clusterfuck.

Ok, so in the past few weeks I have had some really interesting conversations. The first one was a sit down lunch affair (not in the sexual type of affair)and the conversation turned to the topic of what is normal. Now normal for me has changed recently with the addition of being diagnosed with diabetes. But the questions remains the same.....what is normal?

Now the cynical answer (which I first thought of) was that normal for me was between 5.0 and 6.0 before meals, and 6.0 and 7.0 an hour after meals. Doesn't really give you much detail huh? But yeah it's my blood sugar levels, and what they are suppose to be pre and post meals respectively.
Ok, then I thought what it means for me to be normal, and while that is part of the routine now, I do have a normal routine.

Normal for me is not being able to sleep in after 9:30 AM. Getting up, injecting myself with 8 units of insulin. Walking downstairs, taking my Metformin tablets to better regulate my insulin that i just injected, and then cooking a low fat, high fibre breakfast. (consisting usually of oatmeal) Sounds lovely. This is normal. This process is also repeated before going to bed, though it's usually a low sugar digestive cookie at night instead of oatmeal. And this is normal. This is what I get to look forward to for the rest of my life. Hmm, normal, yet not very interesting.

So what is normal for you? Why makes your everyday? Are you happy with your normalcy?

This leads to the next conversation topic, which was the are you happy one. Are you happy? Hmm something I haven't really thought about until I had a recent conversation with an older friend of mine, who was wondering why I wasn't in a relationship. Apparently I'm an attractive, happy individual. (Who knew?) I'm fairly happy was my response. When asked further about what makes me happy now.....the answers became more and more vague, and a lot more clinical.
- I've made character progress
- My group of friends has increased
- I am more social.
- Blah blah blah.

So, I guess i am happy, and yet i'm still thinking about this question, which to me seems to suggest that I'm not. I guess there is always room for improvement on the happiness scale. It slides around a lot. I'm mostly happy and enjoy each and every day. Is there room for more? Of course, I mean a real relationship would be nice. Who am I kidding it would be great, fantastic even. So why am I not out there searching avidly for a relationship? Hmm apparently according to my friend "I'm too smart for my own good." To me, the problem is that I want a relationship. Not a one stand, not a cheap thrill, not even a empty relationship for the mind blowing sex. :).......though somedays that is kind of tempting. So yeah, its tough. I don't know what the point of this post was, oh yeah to get these thoughts out on paper. Maybe if they were out in the internets or somewhere they would leave my head and not only would i feel lighter (cause they are pretty heavy thoughts) but I could figure out what other people thought of these two subjects.
So patient readers, What is normal for you, and are you happy?

I think I am, and I thought so.

CRG

So I'm broke. Yup and this isn't the type of broke tht is like last for antoher day and whamo there is monies magically deposited into your account. This is broke. done. kaput, finito......the embarrasing broke wher you might actually have to go to the bank and refinance your loan...broke. Which is not good at all. Then again, if a certain person was in her office she could do the required paperwork and cut me a cheque for back pay.......

Ok enough said about that. I'm in the Pride Centre on campus tomorrow. Come visit. :)
If it is early morning (after 10 but before 12) you can find me reading part of the Doctrine of Demonolgie, and probably cross-referencing it with parts of the bible. Acts and Pauls Letters to the Ephesians seem pretty popular.

From 12-1 its happy lunch time in the cnetre. If people want to bring me offerings of food Greatly appreciated. I am broke so no STM for me :( (wa wa wawaawaahwhhhh)
AFter that its attempt to track down a person and get paid. It could be successful and it could not be. Then off to D&D for a lovely Friday evening with friends.

CRG

PS - It's all good though, I already bought the butterschotch sugar free candies and the sugar free peanut butter cup minis...so i'm good to go.

Ah, nothing really exciting seems to ever happen in my life. I bumped into a fellow history grad today who invited me and bunch of people out to the Yard for burger and beer night, only to find out that i couldn't cause i forgot i had a smallish concert to sing at. :( Poor me, i know.

For those of you who didn't remember or forgot about the BCC this past Saturday, your forgiven. It was an amazing concert and even though i am partially biased by singing in it, ask Nicole for confirmation it was pretty awesome. Though you did miss my quintet debut of "pussywillows cattails, soft winds and roses......"

Hmm weekend was pretty standard. D&D on the Friday.......by far the highlight of my night was the wonderful imagery of a dwarf (me) with a warhammer (my weapon) jumping into the spider hole and smashing into the spider like nobodys bidnizz.......it died.

Saturday was the BCC concert in the early evening. Followed by a pleasant walk from 20th and M to Diva's....i only got propositioned once by a hooker. She wanted to know if i was going to the bank anytime soon........and then Diva's. Decided that night to go for the lightening round drunk....2 doubles in 20 minutes make the Cameron go woozy. Followed by great company of 9 gay guys squished into a booth for 6 at Olympias. Thanks again to Corey for driving me home, and double thanks for Corey driving into the city and dropping off my bag earlier today! WOOT!

That being said that was my weekend. Hope everyone elses was decent to amazing.

CRG

Now I know all of you people have always asked that question. How can I spend my early Saturday evening. Well the answer my friends is to go to the Bridge City Chorus' Concert! That's right for the low low introductory price of $12/ticket you can enjoy almost 2 hours of live entertainment. That's almost two hours of LIVE Entertainment. But that's not all, act now within the next 24 hours and call Cameron or MSN, or email him, or reply to his LJ and you will get your tickets for not $11.95, not $11.50, not $10.50 but for only $10.00 That's right folks, savings of $2.00! Can you believe it? Neither can we. :)

In case you havn't figure dit out yet. That's the advertising for my concert May 12th. At St. Georges Seniors Hall on 20th and Ave. M. For more info contact me. :)
CRG

Date:	2007-05-07 17:05
Subject:	Weird how your mood can change
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused, me amused

Just a thought. It's weird how a persons mood can change with just a little addition, whether it be news on a job (no i haven't heard anything yet) or it be an email from someone. (warmer) Yup it's truly amazing.

CRG

Date:	2007-05-06 19:27
Subject:	The Sunday thought(s)
Security:	Public
Mood:	<me being anxious

So, I was thinking after watching an amazing movie called "Latter Days," about the human experience. The movie is a rather good watch if anyone is interested. But there is one section in it about heartache and anguish and that humans only get better at both by living and practice. Which really isn't all that heart lifting, or up beat of an idea. So, i pondered this for a while and have come to a conclusion that while I do not really agree with this, I understand where it is coming from.

So twiddle my thumbs and wait I guess is the message. So twiddle, twiddle,dee twiddle twiddle two, hmmm no answer. I gots nothing.

So this weekend was amazing and awesome. I managed to go to Cory's (i always thought it had an 'e' in it) birthday party at EE Burritos on Friday. Which was pretty amazing, though the music was kinda loud, and I felt guilty shouting into people's ears for most of the evening. This is also awesome because i had to pick out a gift for him, and settled on the MacNally Robinson gift card. A classic choice that further allowed me into the hallowed halls of consumerism to buy the next installment in Jacquiline Carrie's Kushiel Series.

Saturday evening was my geek moment of the week. D&D. Welcome Brad Bardington the newest character of the group. God help us of we have to babysit him.......after all, the woman he arrived with did kind of desert him. Olim would like to send a tiny prayer to his deity of choice for allowing him to "mildly retcon" a rather egotistical dwarven action, that of trying desperately to acquire the teeth and venom of a pit fiend. Who knew that his fortitude save wouldn't be high enough. (I do believe the DM used the phrase cure of lycanthropy like a common cold, about the week before) LOL 2nd save against death. Oh sweet death.

Hmm, Sunday was a rather quiet and relaxing day. Chorus sectional in the afternoon. Busily preparing for the Concert which is next Saturday. Ticket's are $10 in advance. if interested call me. And this then brings me to the end of this entry. Here i am sitting and typing. waiting and pondering for something to happen.

Wait wait, twiddle thumbs, hmmm still no answer? Grrrrr


CRG

Date:	2007-04-30 21:54
Subject:	Extra! Extra! Read All about it! Insincere regime crumbles in defiance.
Security:	Public
Mood:	beyond belief

This just in from the our local reporter Jimmy Crack Corn, and I don't Care.

The peaceful tranquility of a summer university campus was shattered today by a defiant dictator of sorts. His insincere regime of the GSA , Cameron Goodfellow, refused to step down and allow his beloved...the GSA Constitution from being suspended. "We all love her to death," he was quoted as saying, "but just cause she don't work right, don't mean ya gotta go shoot her!" Mr. Goodfellow has often faced difficulty and hardship with his electorate. Swept into office by acclamation he continued an ongoing tradition of being the poor schmuck who agreed to take the top job.

"The Presidency isn't even for the glory, or the money for that matter. The Money is actually really quite insignificant, $250/month." Though questioned further he did mention that there was a possibility of being asked while drunk to run, and grand schemes of getting totally hot guys to do his beck and call, because he would be el presidente.

Mired in mud from a non-existent campaign. Goodfellow has faced a grueling twelve months of office. Though lesser men may have resigned from such controversy Goodfellow stayed true to his word, and tried his able best to stick the course. In those same twelve months Goodfellow has suffered from some serious calamities and will not be playing in the political arena for quite some time. Though not limited to the following, these are just a summary:

* Impeachment for 5 months.
* Incompetence for life.
* immaturity
* Corruption
* Accusatory by nature
* Overbearing
* Obstinate
* An insincere regime
* A DICKtater
* "the mean present president who will stop at nothing to maintain power."

Former President of the GSA, Goodfellow was unavailable for comment as he left hurriedly from an unofficial discussion by members of the GSA Course Council. After listening and repeatedly trying to explain the issues of the elections committee report to members of council who had shown up for an Emergency Session but it did not meet quorum, Goodfellow presented an unprepared speech and then left the room amidst one boo, one for shame, and about 10 people clapping. The following excerpts of the speech are presented below.... though accuracy cannot be given since there was no prepared speech available to the press.

" It's after the business day, which means that I am no longer the GSA President, which means since this is not an official meeting of the GSA Course Council; I will be leaving shortly. First off, I would like to thank all councilors of council who did show up tonight. Unfortunately since there is no quorum this is just an informal discussion. Secondly I would like to explain that I am done, finished. My desk is cleaned out, my keys are being returned, and tomorrow morning the Office administrator will freeze the GSA Presidential email account until council can meet and reach a decision. I would like to thank council again for their hard work throughout the year, and for many learning experiences which will not be forgotten anytime soon. Lastly I wish each and everyone one of you a good summer, great research, and adieu."

Goodfellow was, as mentioned, unavailable for comment after that remarkable speech, but as Jimmy Crack corn and I don't care figures, he'll be back eventually. And so there you have it gentlemen and lady readers. What began as an insincere regime has fallen. There were no cries of hallelujah, no parade for freedom, not even a silent tear for times gone by. Though truth be told the peaceful tranquility of the u of S campus was shattered this afternoon by one or two YAYs!

This is Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care, reporting live from Sunny Saskatoon. SK.

I froze. I don't know what to write. Unlike all of you who are in desperate need of congratulations for finishing another round of exams (and for some double congrats for finishing your last exams) I had none. In fact, academically speaking my accomplishments this past school year have been few and far between. Mainly, I wrote and presented at colloquium.

Now on a personal level my year has been quite astonishing really. I finally came out to friends here in Saskatoon, I came out to my sister (the whole family is going to take some time.) I got diagnosed with diabetes, which was a downer, but slowly and surely i'm eating my way to a healthier lifestyle. (hmm as if i really have a choice in that too) ?????

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. Trying to tie up loose strings with GSA. Getting shouted at multiple times in meetings with grad students is not my idea of fun, but sadly I did sign up for it, and must weather out the storm. Council willing, Monday will be the last time.

Additionally the last few weeks have been confuzzling up the wazoo. relationship-wise I feel like I'm back in middle school. I always use to say if you liked someone you should tell them straight up (excuse the ironic pun) but now i am kinda wishing it could be done with the friend of the friend who asks the hypothetical question...if cameron hypothetically was interested in you, would you be hypothetically interested in him....hypothetically speaking of course. ;) (Vague, yet succinct....lol)
So I really don't know what to make of all of this,so thoughts and comments would be appreciated.

OH! I know what i can write about. Someone attempted to pick me up on Saturday at Diva's. It was surreal. They sauntered over. They introduced themselves...it was James, or Joseph, or Joe. Before all of you start thinking who can that be, or oh god not Joe, he was from out of town. He saw me talking to JJ and then later on John Anuik, and thought that my taste in friends was good and was impressed that I knew "everybody". Yes JJ your everybody.....Copernicus called and left me a message, tomorrow your the universe too. Anyways so this guy was like yeah I'm here in Saskatoon, I had a day lay over cause i booked with airmiles late. Real classy sounding eh?
Anyway so the moral of the story. I wasn't interested, John Anuik and someone else wanted to go dance and saved me from the guy.....but SOMEONE TRIED TO PICK ME UP! OMG! In a weird sort of way, it made me feel good about myself. someone thought i was hot. LOL

So yeah that was Diva's on Saturday night. I thinks that's all for this post too.

CRG

Ok, So I didn't really meet Al Gore. I just wish i had. I was in the same room with him, maybe sitting 150 feet away from the man for two hours as he gave his live presentation of "An Inconvenient Truth" (Hope I spelled that right....mom :()

Ok, So I went to Regina today to see Al Gore, courtesy of the University of Saskatchewan. Who knew that being GSA President still had clout? I sure didn't. So away I went. It was great. Got to go on one of the three buses that went down from the university. Got to sit approx. 150 feet away from Al Gore as he talked on climate change and CO2 emissions for 2 hours. He was rather convincing, but realistically folks, take two years of ecology, and you really just sit there and go "I know.......I know!!!!!!" Though the updated data for the last few years (essentially 99-05 is what I got out of the presentation. So yeah, don't know what else to say, he was a genuinely nice guy. He presents very well (though that is to be expected if you've given this presentation umpteen million times) and Lorne Calvert was there too. I must say that I couldn't tell if it was just all the hippies in the crowd for a talk on the environment OR if it really is Saskatchewan in love with the NDP Party......but the cheers for Lorne Calvert (who always reminds me of Dobby) were almost as loud as the cheers for Al Gore when he first walked unto the stage....minus the standing ovation of course.

I really did appreciate Al Gore's attempts to address climate change in Canada. Though it was clearly less researched and the data was often skewed for North America (as if we are lumped in with the US one more time....) or for the US it was a nice and thoughtful gesture. And I quite agree with the man, the Conservatives environment or economic ruin speech is just downright ludicrous.

Then unto the buses with a boxed lunch provided. I must say the university went out of its way to provide lunch. Packaged as environmentally friendly as possible, we had sandwichs (choice of turkey and cheese, ham and cheese, veggie and cheese, egg salad, and veggie) choice of drink (coke, diet coke, nestea, or juice) and then cookies (umm...the were the really dry ones that surprisingly only had 6 grams of sugar in them) it was pretty impressive for lunch. I figured since i hadn't eaten breakfast my blood sugars were low, so I loaded up on extra cookies. And when i got hom, i was right. Low blood sugar. hovering at 5.4, which for the people who have no idea about blood sugar is really really impressive for a type 2 diabetic.

Ok, so that's my rant for today as well. Recap: went to Regina, saw Al Gore, liked what i heard, am so organizing the Dump&Run yardsale for next year on campus.

Worry is one of those annoying things. It's always there. No matter how much you try to get rid of it, it still exists. It's like wet damp snow, weighing you down. It hides in corners, is difficult to move, and though you always attempt to move a whole bunch of it, only a little gets taken off the top. I hate worry. In fact, I'm worrying right now. About lots of things. People try to calm me down by saying "Don't worry, everyone else does it too." Ok, so its either a peer pressure drug like marijuana OR some disease we all have and carry with us; neither of which really calms me all that much. (well the drug does.....)

Ok, so lets see. What's on my mind?
Hmm well I have to go write tests on Thursday. I have a job interview and candidacy tests for Passport Canada. Working for the feds....sounds so much more glamorous than it is. If I am successful (and we all hope i am) Then, I'll be the guy you hand your passport applications to and scans the application quickly to inform you whether or not everything looks good. This will be an amazingly boring job will require me to get paid oodles of money and work the government 8:30 - 4:30 M-F. Nice.
I'm also worried however that I won't get this job, and in true Cameron style I haven't got another job lined up. I was kinda of afraid that I would have to make a choice between dream job (Passport Canada) and other job, and then use weird sense of honour and choose the other job cause i got it first. Blah blah blah, it's something my dad convinced me of doing when I was in high school and it kinda stuck. Everything i needed to know i learnt from Sesame Street....an one time in high school.

The other thing I worry about is this summer. I think its safe to say that i have made oodles of friends this year. (All you people from the centre give yourselves a pat on the back) and now its summer time. I don't have too many of your contacts, and I am probably going to feel kinda lonely this summer. SO, if your staying in the city this summer, I want your contact. Telephone number, email, and msn, or any combination thereof (permutations accepted as well). :)

There, so this is my rant for this evening. Oh and I will try to make more updates to livejournal.

CRG

PS - What a great D&D night!. SWEET!

This next entry goes out to my parents, who are by the way the best. Was chatting with Mom on MSN today, and was like need money....need money (imagine B-Grade thriller zombie movies) and thats what I was like with the need for money. And my parents were like sure how much do you need? Usually if I ask for money there is a long drawn out process of....oh well....hmmm.....where did you spend the last money? But not today, my parents were like one moment and then with the click, answer of a questions i had money. So dedication goes out to my parents who are really cool.

So yeah. I get to go listen to Al Gore on Monday. That's right, I am just that awesome!


Cameron

PS - Short entries are better.

From the creators of "Ode to a Craptop," "Evil Villains of Comics," and "The not-so rhetorical questions" comes the ingenious second volume of writing by Cameron Goodfellow. The craptop is gone. The new powerful desktop is here. Sleek design, low hum, and power up the wazoo.... this desktop could almost replace err ummm yeah. :) So it arrived today, and I must say that the Puralator delivery guy,....well he delivered a nice package if ya know what i mean. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) Oh yeah!

Ok, so they upgraded my screen, it's like 24 inch widescreen, it's massive. In fact its larger than a picture i have hanging on the wall. Awesomeness.

And that's about it. Exciting day today. nothing like spending money to set up the new desk and desktop computer.

Cameron

Hello Happy Readers:

Ok, so what to write about? The weekend? it was ok. Diva's....the usual. I don't know really what to write about, so here are the jumbled thoughts of the hour that are currently residing on my mind. (bulleted, but not numerical, as that would give the rank.)

* Doctor's appointment tomorrow. Second monthly check up with my team of doctors. Kinda worried, and kinda not. The initial meeting will go fine, the blood work will come back with elevated cholesterol (i'm guessing).
* A friend is interviewing me tomorrow for one of his classes. I think he wants something about the education or something at the university. I guess i can answer that....maybe?
* Glad that a certain someone is feling safer at night now ;)
* Wish I had actually talked to "red hat guy" at Diva's. A certain lady was a little tipsy, and if I had let her fall on the dance floor, probably would of lost points rather than scoring them.
* Thank god this week is simulation day in tutorials.......god bless not having to prepare readings in advance.
* Double thank god its simulation day on Tuesday, I haven't marked a single paper yet.....eek!
* Mom and Dad are on their way to Thailand for a month. Guess thats why noone answered the phone. :(

I think that is it.

Time, it is suppose to heal all wounds. Well my craptop is wounded and yet time does not appear to heal that one. Of course, my craptop has decided to charge like a good little laptop should, but it also decided to go from 100% to 4% on startup.....so it isn't all that trustful.

god bless wednesdays. hump day today was spent playing oodles and oodles of crib. and while sneaky corey won all the games, it was one of my better days for playing. next time gadget....next time!

Oh craptop so, how shall i compare thee to a summer's day?
Though art more stupid and defiiient in every way
you promise to charge like a good little horse
but in the end, you dissapoint of course
You bring promises of sweet success
but in the end you shut down in a mess
work is lost, pages too
i just cannot trust you
though doth protest too much you'd say
but you shutdown at least twice a day
the infamous blue screen of death today
the milky white screen of no charge tomorrow
unreliable, defficient and selfish too
as power fades a wonderful hue
spreads cross your screen leaving its mark,
but in the end you only go dark.
To live, to breathe, to function well
Alas i think i'll get a desktop Dell.
More power, more graphics and gaming see
you dear friend have left me
Disappointed and an empty shell
Ode to my craptop and my new Dell.

OK, so this was the anonymous quote that the Leader of the Green Party had on her blog. I borrowed it from some anonymous dude, or dudette. (Or androgenous thing)

So going on new meds are no fun! I went on metformin....a great insulin enhancer drug used for Diabetics, but also found out it is a metabolic enhancer too....meaning my mind goes a flying fucking mile/second and at nightime too. So consequently, I have not been sleeping all that well. Booo-urns to that.

Not really sure what to write about so I guess i'll just ramble on. The sun is setting later and later. I look forward to the summer months, speaking of which I really should get a job/summer job that morphs into work. lol

The official request has been recieved. If people value their lives, or our friendship, please for the sake of all things holy...and unholy....and the names of each, DO NOT ASK ME HOW MY THESIS IS GOING!!!!!!!!! :)

The official response is that it is going very slowly, and will continue to do so.:)

Comments about D&D:

1. JJ your my hero for the wand of scorching ray.
2. Quite a pickle poor Suzu is in, and my character didn't really get to know him.
3. Reflex rolls were sometimes amazing and sometimes not.
4. Cassandra, your character is learning to embrace the lightening bolt.....and there has been a marked shift in your characters path of neutrality. IE. Your not retreating every 5 seconds. :P
5. Lastly Olim Stoneaxe is my character's name.........yay!

Hello gang of happy go lucky and wonderful people. Today I had my first meeting with my diabetic team. that's right, some of you lame-o's get doctors, I get a team of doctors. (This really just proves how special I am).

The bad news, i gained back some of the weight i HAD lost. Lost 30 lbs gained 8 back......guess thats still really good.

The good news is that I'm type II diabetic. Meaningi am slowly coming off of the insulin and unto pills. YAY, i celebrated in advance by having a chocolate cupcake. yay!

So thats the short update.

PS - Yay! Corey is great.
Yay so is Cassandra
Yay for everyone else who is in my life.

WARNING: This post contains swearing and is not intended for audiences that do not swear, are not interested in venting, or think that Cameron Goodfellow is perfect. ;)

Karma really does bite you in the ass. Ok, I admit that I am rarely ever one to jump on the fad wagon, in fact by the time i usually get on, everyone else has left, like so last century! But really, I thought it was just me. My day/week/break/christmas SUCKED the big one.

Ok, so I'm diabetic and all, I get that. I mean I've reached the 2 month mark, and quite frankly I feel fine. Truthfully I laughed at the lady when she said i was going to go into depression about it. I never really expected it to be this bad. So if your Nicole then you already know, but for the rest of you, I've been depressed. Not just a little depressed, this was massive depression I think, though venting will hopefully improve this..... somehow. I have mastered the art of masking depression as I am sure all people in this world are adept at doing. The mask gets placed on my face, and yup happy go cheery Cameron has no problems, and no worries in the world. It's a facade.

So today, I found out a through a friend of a friend in confidence that my first friend who shall remain anonymous doesn't think that I can finish my program by August. The words "no way in hell" were used. (GASP!) Now without giving away to much information, I have had my doubts about some people in the program as well, but for gods sake ladies and gents, i keep that to myself. GRRRRR! If anything, it has been a crouching tiger hidden dragon sort of year. I work best under lots of stress, and manage to create some of my best work under those strict guidelines. Secondly, I would never tell someone else that I didn't think you could handle the workload or get the work done. Double GRRRRR! Ok just had to get that out there. Right, where were we? Oh yeah depression.

So Christmas was a rightous piece of shit. I'm still angry at my dad for cracking jokes of I get Cameron's piece of dessert since he can't have it. Like i need that dad, but joke's on you buddy. I've lost 35 lbs and going to Peru because you made a promise that you didn't think I would ever gett o call in. Ha Ha! I'm going to Peru! (in 2008).

January wasn't much better. Early Jan was spent trying not to think about my grandmother who passed away 3 years ago. She was by far my closest friend and confidant. I miss her alot, more than a lot, the mostest I guess. (sigh)

February saw me turning 25, which was a big deal. It was a major milestone that I really wanted to have as a perfect birthday and it was ok, but not capable of living up to my expectations.

Ok, which brings me to today which is still in February I realize, but to today. Today was the epitomy of apathetic. I barely got myself out of bed, and not into school till 11:30. Whereby i went to STM for lunch, and then spent the afternoon in the Center. That's right, I have 55 essays to mark and today i got through none of them, which now means I must grade 11 of them a day to get them done.

Then, I found out what my friend said about me and my program. Oh that irkes me to the nth degree. TRIPLE GRRRR! I think the biggest part of the problem is that my advisor has been on sabatticfal for 3 of the 4 terms I've been here. My friend at least gets to meet with her advisor on a regular basis. I haven't seen Frank since.......July? or was it June? And now here I am venting to the world about my craptastic day. (A fabulous word, but not in a good way) So, things I really want to do because i am petty.

1. Finish thesis on time and then rub it in my friends nose.
2. Get amazing job earning moola and rub it in my friends nose.
3. Work for 3 years athen go to University of Liverpool, and
you guessed it notify my friend.

It's all petty and i realize that.

Furthermore, I tried my old cheer up techniques, mainly the go to the movies and go eat some not so healthy food for you, and it only made me more depressed, because I went to the movies alone. Mope mope mope. Though I did enjoy "Stomp the Yard." Dammit, I hate being alone, not that I am clingy, because even I love having space and going off and doing my own thing every once in a while, but man I need someone to either vent to every once ina while, or better yet, to actually do things with, or go on dates, or something. Quadruple GRRRRR.

Ok gentle reader. This has been my rant. I would have shortened it had I known how, but alas you have reached the bottom of my post.

CRG

PS - Mistakes are intentional